Lee Rabinovitz, a tall lean fellow, and somewhat ashamed of his Jewish heritage, tells Mildred that he is a duck inspector specalizing in Mallards. Mildred being an Allard is very excited that a good looking man has an interest in a duck that rymes with her last name invites him over for a picnic at the lake front.
Mildred sets out the picnic blanket, opens a bottle of grey goose (goes very well with XXX vitamin water), sets out the Peking Duck, turns on her CD player to her favorite 80's band "Duck and Cover" and waits for Lee to arrive.
Lee slowly drifts up in a 'borrowed' canoe, as the canoe comes to rest on the shore of the lake, Disco Duck is playing on the CD player. Mildred doesn't notice him, Lee sneaks up behind her and covers her eyes and says, OY Vey guess who.
antiold (how I feel toward the whole aging process)
Mildred, quite startled by the cold hands covering her face, reacts instinctively. She grabs the bottle of Grey Goose and swings it behind her, striking Lee in the side of the head, knocking him out cold. She leaves a tremendous goose egg on the side of his head! Not knowing what to do, she takes Lee's cell phone from his pocket to look for his In Case of Emergency number. She finds . . .
hytini (a martini served at the top of the Empire State building?)
...that Lee was not a boy scout and has no emergency numbers! Mildred calls her Rabbi, frantic over what has just happened, they chat a little he asks about the last barmitzva she went to etc. She then realizes what she had called for, Rabbi I need a prayer for a man who has been hit with Cold Duck, or Grey Goose, Oh! I just dont know what to do..
Fortunately for Mildred, there is a Boy Scout Camp across the lake. The Boy Scouts, hearing her cries for help, paddle their canoes over to her. Being good Boy Scouts they had taken an oath to help other people at all times. Some had to stay behind, however, because they were mysteriously missing one canoe . . . .
barboat (what you get when you mix grey goose and a canoe)
.. the scouts, being recently trained in first aid skills, quickly bandage and wrap up Lee. Lee who regains a little conciousness, confesses finally that he is not really a duck inspector. You see several weeks ago he was online and met Mildred in a singles chat room, and James Dean, his real name, fell in love with Mildreds profile and head shot...
meanwhile the scouts in ther excitement had bandaged Lees head so tight he looked like a roll of Jummy Dean pork sausage. So now he is trying to talk and sounds like a bad ventriliquist act. Mildred was so upset with the whole situation that she had the scouts toss him into the borrowed canoe and out a small hole in it and shoved him out onto the lake. Now, she said, you no good duck lover lets see if you can float like a duck.
And then the boy scouts got the rest of the grey goose as a reward and party with Mildred, later they earned their resposible drinking badge for not trying to paddle back after the party. The next morning they earned their hangover cure badge.
10 comments:
Lee Rabinovitz, a tall lean fellow, and somewhat ashamed of his Jewish heritage, tells Mildred that he is a duck inspector specalizing in Mallards.
Mildred being an Allard is very excited that a good looking man has an interest in a duck that rymes with her last name invites him over for a picnic at the lake front.
Mildred sets out the picnic blanket, opens a bottle of grey goose (goes very well with XXX vitamin water), sets out the Peking Duck, turns on her CD player to her favorite 80's band "Duck and Cover" and waits for Lee to arrive.
Lee slowly drifts up in a 'borrowed' canoe, as the canoe comes to rest on the shore of the lake, Disco Duck is playing on the CD player. Mildred doesn't notice him, Lee sneaks up behind her and covers her eyes and says, OY Vey guess who.
antiold (how I feel toward the whole aging process)
Where is paul harvey when you need the rest of the story
Mildred, quite startled by the cold hands covering her face, reacts instinctively. She grabs the bottle of Grey Goose and swings it behind her, striking Lee in the side of the head, knocking him out cold. She leaves a tremendous goose egg on the side of his head! Not knowing what to do, she takes Lee's cell phone from his pocket to look for his In Case of Emergency number. She finds . . .
hytini (a martini served at the top of the Empire State building?)
...that Lee was not a boy scout and has no emergency numbers! Mildred calls her Rabbi, frantic over what has just happened, they chat a little he asks about the last barmitzva she went to etc. She then realizes what she had called for, Rabbi I need a prayer for a man who has been hit with Cold Duck, or Grey Goose, Oh! I just dont know what to do..
Fortunately for Mildred, there is a Boy Scout Camp across the lake. The Boy Scouts, hearing her cries for help, paddle their canoes over to her. Being good Boy Scouts they had taken an oath to help other people at all times. Some had to stay behind, however, because they were mysteriously missing one canoe . . . .
barboat (what you get when you mix grey goose and a canoe)
.. the scouts, being recently trained in first aid skills, quickly bandage and wrap up Lee.
Lee who regains a little conciousness, confesses finally that he is not really a duck inspector. You see several weeks ago he was online and met Mildred in a singles chat room, and James Dean, his real name, fell in love with Mildreds profile and head shot...
rebal (inspiration for Lees name)
meanwhile the scouts in ther excitement had bandaged Lees head so tight he looked like a roll of Jummy Dean pork sausage. So now he is trying to talk and sounds like a bad ventriliquist act.
Mildred was so upset with the whole situation that she had the scouts toss him into the borrowed canoe and out a small hole in it and shoved him out onto the lake.
Now, she said, you no good duck lover lets see if you can float like a duck.
sconsins ( what people from wisconsin are called)
And then the boy scouts got the rest of the grey goose as a reward and party with Mildred, later they earned their resposible drinking badge for not trying to paddle back after the party. The next morning they earned their hangover cure badge.
eldicr (french... well you know)
Post a Comment