Saturday, May 13, 2017

Mother's Day.

(Rated R for language.  You've been warned.)

I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this.  Really. But recently I had an inner monologue in which I divided my life into Scenes.

Scene I: My life before children.  Clueless, wandering, discovering.
Scene II. My life as a mom.  Planning, organizing, directing.
Scene III.  My children are assholes.
Scene IV.  TBD.

Assholes?!?!?  I know.  That sounds really harsh.  Here's the thing.  My children don't need me. They're both 20-something and married.  They don't need me, so I don't hear from them.

In a few weeks, I'll be heading to Sitka, and I'm dreading the question: "How are the kids?" because, honestly, I don't know. They don't need me, I don't hear from them, so I assume they are fine.

I'm really okay with this. Either I failed miserably and raised selfish, ungrateful children; OR I was a total success as a mother and raised children who are self-sufficient and competent (which is why I don't hear from them). It's okay.

I did not hear from either of them on my birthday, which makes them both assholes.  And tomorrow is Mother's Day. We'll see.

I defined myself as Mom for so long, and really did not know who I would be AFTER.  How would I define myself?  What would I do?

The thing is, I can do whatever the fuck I want. And AMEN to that. So Happy Mother's Day.


Mikieg said...

You are so right. Every cross road is a redefining moment. I'm looking forward to who you decide to define yourself as. You are already wonderful just as you are, without any titles. The most important thing is that you love who you are becoming and find that person acceptable to God. Those two things will fill your heart.
love you,

ELHG said...

Brenda, there have been times in my life when my children were close, and other times when they seemed to drift further and further away from me... climbing their own mountains just as I was. So hard to have them separate themselves from hurtful. Now as I grow older, they are moving closer again and we fight some of the battles together. I think the ebb and flow of our lives is always happening. I pray God will help you ride out the storm.